I have not been keeping up with updates, but basically things have been going great with the baby. Joseph is healthy and a true joy. Now 2 months later I still find I can't believe he is here. It seems too good, after so many setbacks with conceiving him. DH and I marvel at him, and repeat over and over... "He's so CUTE! I can't believe he's really here!" Joseph seems to know he is cute, he smiles now and I even find him cute when he is crying. He's a pretty loud cryer, too. Since the weather has been crappy, we have mostly stayed indoors, rarely leaving the house. That suits me fine, there is no place I'd rather be than cuddled up with baby, watching TV. Work seems like a distant memory. Sometimes I get an email from the teacher replacing me, asking a question about where to find something in the class, etc., and I think "oh, yeah, they are still there at school!" In my mind, I could not be further away. I left in mid-December, but it feels like longer ago, and my life is quite different now. I love it! I guess I didn't like my job as much as a I thought. I have always been obsessed by my classroom, and constantly thinking of my students and buying things for the class/ for them. Now the focus is totally on baby, and it is refreshing to be on a learning curve, figuring out something new and finding out that for the most part I CAN do it. I can be a mom, and maybe I will regret saying this, but it is not as hard as some people would have you believe. Let me qualify that by saying I have got an amazing support system, DH is totally involved, his mother and my mother are ready to help and take over at any moment, and I have a friend who is currently unemployed who has decided she wants to help, and she comes over a few times a week. So with all this help, it has been great and I have just focussed on breast feeding Joseph, which is another story. That has not been easy, and about everything that could go wrong has. I got mastitis the first week, and went on antibiotics. The antibiotics caused a yeast infection, so I had horrible nipple pain, and when he fed it felt like razor blades and broken glass crunching around the end of the nipple. I have been on non-stop painkillers and visited the breastfeeding clinic every week since his birth, getting new suggestions and techniques each time. I also had perenial pain and especially when I went pee it burned each time. It hurt to use the spray bottle, so I ended up using a sitz bath and epsom salts to get some relief. After 3 weeks that pain miraculously just went away (the open wound at the end of my stitches finally healed). I was convinced that it was infected, so I went back to the hospital to have them check it, and also went to my GP a few days later when it was feeling even worse. Both times they said it was "normal", and gave me nothing other than more pain medication. They said not to put ointment or anything on it. Meanwhile, with the breast feeding, I was referred to a specialist, Dr. Jack Newman to solve that ongoing problem. To my surprise, his treatment was to give me drugs and herbs to increase my milk supply (drug: Domperidone 40mg 3x /day, herbs: Fenugreek 3 capsules 3x/ day, Blessed Thistle 3 capsules 3x / day), nipple ointment (All purpose Nipple Ointment) that had to be compounded at the pharmacy, and he said Joseph had a slight tongue tie that he could snip if I liked. We decided to wait on the snipping and see if the nipple pain goes away with the other things. The theory is that with more milk, he will spend less time sucking and not damage the nipples so much. At the hospital breastfeeding clinic they had already given me tons of other suggestions, like soaking nipples in salt water, putting olive oil on them, polysporin, cortisone cream, etc. Anyway, the result now is a lot less pain, and I am completely off the Advil and Tylenols I had been taking 4 times a day.
Joseph is growing well and last week he was 11 pounds 5 ounces. He is at the 50th percentile for weight gain, so that is great. With all the breast feeding difficulties, he never lost any weight, it was just me in pain that was the issue. I hope to continue breast feeding for about a year. I might need to stop a bit earlier if we want to try our next fertility treatment. I think we are going to try at least one more IVF to try for a sibling, though the chances are VERY slim, we are aware, with my age now 40. I am about to turn 41 in May, so we'll see if we are going to get a second miracle. If not, we are considering donor eggs. I guess if nothing works by the time I'm 42 we will do that. We'll see, if there's one thing I have learned, is you can not plan the future when it comes to stuff like this. The best laid plans can go very, very awry, and you never know what else might happen in a month or a year, that could change everything.
My EDD passed yesterday uneventfully. We are so preoccupied with Joseph that we did not have time to be sad. Last year we went and got balloons, attached a message, and released them in the park, in memory of Lily. I still miss her, but with the new baby no one talks about her any more (not that they ever did).
Tomorrow Joseph will be 2 months old. Happy mini birthday Joseph!!
Here are some pictures. (I finally figured out how to load them!)
Here is our file : It was becoming ridiculous...
^ The fertility clinic waiting room, where it all began. The fish tanks, where we saw multiple generations of fish come and go. (Nov 2006 - June 2012)
Joseph 6 weeks old ^
Joseph 2 months old ^